God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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