you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
