Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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