in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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