You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
