i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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