Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
