you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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