i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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