i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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