what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
