this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
