Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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