I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
