I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
