Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
