I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
