yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
