I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
