You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
