dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
