I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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