So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
