if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
