I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize