So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
