Christians are straight up FREAKS
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
that's an acceptable place to lick
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
