I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
