Will you blow on my dice?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
