Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
