She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is it penis luge time yet?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
