yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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