FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
