when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
