So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
