the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
