Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
