Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
