am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
