Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
