That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
