he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
