From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
