Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
