sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
