i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
