Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
