Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
