It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
