a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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