I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
