I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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