True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
