from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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