I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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