It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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