The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
