Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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