he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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