Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
someone owes me an orgasm
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
