Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize