Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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