The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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