I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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