i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone came in the potted fern
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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