Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
